Tag Archives: Hostel

The Vietnam Home Invasion

During our visit to Phú Quốc island, Vietnam, my travelling companions and I decided to embark on a bar crawl. Three bars in and we were all feeling fine, and that’s when one member of the group suggested shots. This was a bad idea.

Upon arrival at the 4th bar it seemed everyone was doing their own thing around the dance floor. I myself took it upon myself to leave the bar (the reason why I did this is not clear to me) and return to my hostel where I joined the hostel owner for yet more drinks.

Eventually he left and that’s where my memory goes black. Next thing I know I’m sitting on the toilet relieving myself when I realise that this is not the hostel toilet. I wrap things up and and exit into the kitchen which again was a surprise as my hostel did not have a kitchen, and that’s when I realised. Walking into what I guess was the living room, I spotted 2 Vietnamese people unaware and peacefully sleeping on the floor.

Shocked, confused and still extremely intoxicated I swiftly left by stepping over one of the residents and blundering out of the door. Still not comprehending exactly what had just happened, I wondered into the stormy night in search for my hostel. Given that I had lost my flip flops and glasses, I was pleasantly surprised to find my hostel just 30 minutes into my search.

All 5 of us had stories to share from that night and I’m pretty sure mine remains the stupidest.

Not painting a good image for backpackers here, my bad

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What happens in Vang Vieng… Ends up on this website

After a glorious tubing bender to end all benders, helped along massively by free drinks at Sakura Bar, I found myself shitfaced and alone in Vang Vieng. I’d also managed to forget my hostel name. And where I was.

Luckily I happened upon a local Ladyboy named Mango who had been staying at our hostel! What good fortune eh?! Naturally I agreed to follow her back, and she set us off on a merry adventure through random streets and ally ways.

A short jaunt later and we’re in front of an apartment block, not my hostel. After asking my wonderful guide why we were here, she explained she needed to get her cigarettes. No worries, I replied.

Funnily enough she was rather insistent I accompanied her, all after explaining she just hung around our hostel and this was in fact her apartment. In for a penny, in for a pound I guess, and I strolled in to find her lighting her pipe and smoking yaba. Pretty sure there were no cigarettes. I politely declined her generous offer for free yaba and explained I really did need to get home- a methed up Mango was my only saviour and things weren’t looking (or feeling) too good.

At some point I passed out (fuck you Sakura Bar).

You’ve never been woken up until you’ve been woken up by a methed up ladyboy with a pipe in one hand, your shorts round your knees, giving you the most aggressive hand job of your entire life.

After shouting ‘Mango Nooooooo!’ and legging it out, I burst around the corner to find my hostel, less that 50 feet away from Mangos mad yaba handjob assault den.

Needless to say I was on the next bus out of Vang Vieng.

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